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Tuesday, October 23, 2007


I know you all have jobs & real relationships involving “humans”, but did you happen to catch THE BACHELOR Monday nights on ABC?

It’s human catnip!

THE BACHELOR, Brad Womack, makes out with various chicks on screen, and this is called “dating” & looking for a wife. ABC pays & sets up the dates (thus alleviating dating pressure) & Brad’s not allowed to talk about himself or open up cause that would give away the show! Duh!

Brad often repeat special phrases to the ladies, like “your special", " No, YOUR special”, & “I found a feeling.”

Without further adieu, let’s introduce our BACHELOR!: (insert fake applause)

Brad Womack, that’s “WOAH, MACK!”, 34, is a successful, self made entrepreneur dude, which, in ladyspeak, means he doesn’t have a real job. Currently residing in Austin, Texas, Brad co owns four lucrative bars with his two brothers, which means there is a high chance he likes beer & will be out drinking it. PS That's called Research & Development. With the success of these establishments, they are now looking to expand into other ventures and are in the early stages of developing a hotel. By ‘hotel’, we mean Brad’s friends will be staying over and you, the lucky winner, will be cleaning up the mess.

Brad had an early plan to make his mark on the world, but that didn’t work out and, at 19, left Texas State University (known then as Southwest Texas State), why the name changed, we have no idea. After one year of college he left college to work out and work in oil fields across the country to save up money to pay off his credit card debt. His eight year odyssey, cross country shag fest, took him all over Texas and then to Louisiana, North Dakota and California. YEAH!

After working diligently in the oil fields and being abstinent from the MOONSHINE, he got into bartending with his twin brother, Chad. After some eight months tending bar & chatting up hotties, he had enough money saved to finance the purchase of his first drinking establishment with his brothers in 2001, when he was just 28. Sooooo…. That’s 10 years. Since then, their very successful business has exploded to where they've purchased a bar a year with large screen TV’s that Brad can watch foozball on for free, since he is obviously the owner. Also he worked in an oil field and is buff.

However Brad has had to overcome some obstacles on his way to his booming business career and thus have some depth beyond boozing, babes, and sports. Lay on the heavy: Born in Atlanta, his family stayed there until he was 12 years old, and then the family moved to Livingston, Texas, where he went to high school. (yawn). His challenging days as a youngster helped to instill in him a good work ethic, blah blah blah. He worked in an oil field and his buff.

Brad knew the importance of a stable family and the ability to be a good provider, which is why he chose not to attend college. Not born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he is appreciative of what he has ok? Get it? He accomplished ON HIS OWN, unlike the rest of you ungrateful trust fund babies. These strong values, coupled with great looks due to working in an oil field and undeniable sex appeal, make him the perfect catch for someone living their fantasies out thru television. Brad please call me.

For all his hard body earned accomplishments and ability to do body shots, beer bongs, and drinking games, there is one thing missing from Brad's life, besides an education and deep conversations about feelings. He's ready to find his soul mate. She must be 5’11’, white, work out, under the age of 25, long hair, no pimples, easy going, doesn’t mind Brad “doing his own thing”. Brad is mostly ready to settle down and have the family life he has so long desired.

But Brad's heart, hidden beneath his worked out, tanned body, which he got working in an oil field, determination and commitment to beer have already given him a good start. Brad is sincere about his search (see above requirements, no ethnic people please), and optimistic that he will find the woman who could become his wife. No one over 25 or past acne problems need apply.

PERSONAL INFORMATION: wouldn’t you like to know, Nasty!

Monday 10/9 c

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