A man is accused of assaulting his ex-girlfriend. He is being sued for damages but claims that he simply "grabbed her shirt and pulled her close to me". The defendant's mother is with him in court, and Judge Judy asks her to stand up so her son can demonstrate what he did. A few attempts later ...
JJ: All I'm asking you to do is show me on your mother how you grabbed her and pulled her close to you.
Defendant: I was trying and then you said it wasn't how I did it.
JJ: You didn't pull her close to you. You put your hands on your mother's shirt and then you leaned into your mother and said something to her.
D: If you want me to grab my mother's shirt and pull her close, it's not going to happen.
JJ: Oh, why not?
D: Because it's disrespectful.
JJ: Right on! And if it's disrespectful to your mother, it's disrespectful to the mother of your children! Case closed.
I got on the elevator this evening, and it smelled like....
TOODLES:
Vice-Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin is not the smartest dog alive.
She seems to think that two and two is five.
She's sure Japan's the capital of France.
She says that submarines know how to dance.
V.P. Candidate Sarah declares that tigers grow on trees.
she argues only antelopes eat cheese.
she tells me that he's twenty nine feet tall,
then adds that ants are good at basketball.
She claims to own a mansion on the moon;
a palace that he bought from a baboon.
she swears the sun is made of candy bars,
and says he's seen bananas play guitars.
It seems to me Vice-Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin is pretty dense.
She talks a lot, but doesn't make much sense.
Although I love dogs with all my heart,
I have to say, this one isn't very smart.
-- original by Kenn Nesbitt
Spike Lee is still upset that his Do The Right Thing movie wasn't even considered for an Oscar the year Driving Miss Daisy claimed Best Film.
I want the Sarah Palin Action figure!
FRESNO, California (AP) -- Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.
