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Monday, October 27, 2008

CHIPS AHOY!!! I SPOT ME A HIDDEN REPUBLICAN!


Barack Obama's running mate Joe Biden has hit back at a television news presenter who compared the Democratic nominee to Karl Marx.


Barbara West.
Ye Republican olde douche bag of the day.
barbara.west@wftv.com



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YEAH YOU GO!!!!

Dozens Of Call Center Workers Walk Off Job In Protest Rather Than Read McCain Script Attacking Obama

"How can we help you? It's not just a question, it is our philosophy and the cornerstone of everything we do. Since the 1930's our focus has been to continually find new and better ways to help our clients "make profitable connections with their customers" through the latest technology in answering services. We are available full time or as an after hours or overflow call center service."


Feeling Fresh?



www.teleperformance.com/americall/
(630) 955.9100

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Judgements with A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E!!!


Sometimes I ask myself,

WWJJD???



Yeah! Teach MoFo's some R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! LOL!















A man is accused of assaulting his ex-girlfriend. He is being sued for damages but claims that he simply "grabbed her shirt and pulled her close to me". The defendant's mother is with him in court, and Judge Judy asks her to stand up so her son can demonstrate what he did. A few attempts later ...

JJ: All I'm asking you to do is show me on your mother how you grabbed her and pulled her close to you.

Defendant: I was trying and then you said it wasn't how I did it.

JJ: You didn't pull her close to you. You put your hands on your mother's shirt and then you leaned into your mother and said something to her.

D: If you want me to grab my mother's shirt and pull her close, it's not going to happen.

JJ: Oh, why not?

D: Because it's disrespectful.

JJ: Right on! And if it's disrespectful to your mother, it's disrespectful to the mother of your children! Case closed.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

GREEDY WITTLE HAMSTA's


Insurance Giant AIG wants more bailout money!!!





Greedy Wittle Hamsta's!!



No golf outings & facial spa's on Tax Payer's dimes!!

I Know what's gonna help our Economy!!



Everyone sing:
"Smurf Berry Crunch is fun to eat,
A Smurfy fruity breakfast treat,
Made by Smurfs so happily,
It tastes like crunchy Smurf Berries,
It's berry shaped and crispy too,
In berry red and Smurfy blue."



magic magic swirl swirl, fix our Economy!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

TAMALE REPUBLICANS


When I think of Republicans, I naturally think of Tamales.

I guess that's cause Tamales are spicy meat caked and cooked in what is effectively lard.










mini-republican tamales ready to vote

PALIN HOME TOWN

WOMEN MYTH #22


"Sometimes I feel so fat, I have to wear my fat clothes".

WALL STREET
babies!

Monday, September 29, 2008

CAMEL TOE


After the election, I will finally be able to wear my HAPPY SOCKS again!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Palin Cheese!!!



EASY MAC-AIN!! 1-2-3 Presto! Vice-President ready in minutes!
(no vetting required!!)

WTF!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Eleanor Roosevelt Doll.

Why does she have a plastic bag on her head?

a durable rubber woman dog toy.

Exciting Toilet Paper!!!

Helllloooo my little spanky monkies!


Say hello to your mother for me!"
-Mark Wahlberg

Easy on the cologne, Stetson!

I got on the elevator this evening, and it smelled like....
cheap man whore!!





















Whoever you are... come claim your prize!

Word of the Day

TOODLES:

A shortened, more casual version of the French expression à tout à l'heure, meaning goodbye.



Toodles McCain & Palin!



Thursday, September 18, 2008

if i have a kid...


If I have a kid, he's going to be named Dingle-Dong, and he's going to be a PIRATE!!

Todd Palin, what are you doing in with my apples??

Oh Sarah, you're not a pit bull, Silly!

Vice-Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin is not the smartest dog alive.
She seems to think that two and two is five.
She's sure Japan's the capital of France.
She says that submarines know how to dance.

V.P. Candidate Sarah declares that tigers grow on trees.
she argues only antelopes eat cheese.
she tells me that he's twenty nine feet tall,
then adds that ants are good at basketball.

She claims to own a mansion on the moon;
a palace that he bought from a baboon.
she swears the sun is made of candy bars,
and says he's seen bananas play guitars.

It seems to me Vice-Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin is pretty dense.
She talks a lot, but doesn't make much sense.
Although I love dogs with all my heart,
I have to say, this one isn't very smart.

-- original by Kenn Nesbitt

Apple Pie


Sarah Palin, as American as Apple Pie


SARAH PALIN PAWS


It's pretty obvious that a dog is a quadruped, a sure-footed, four-footed critter with specialized paws that help them get around the block, across the field, off the sofa, into the Vice-Presidental Nominee position.

Although all dog paws are basically the same, some are shaped slightly different than others.

A. Like humans, Sarah Palin's toenails grow and are used to control her Administration. The nails should be kept in good trim to avoid scratching when her dog paws at bare human legs.

B.The dog's paws and the pasterns work together to absorb the shock of jumping, running, lying, and other wise distracting the American People from the real issues at hand.

C. Pads used to STONEWALL investigations.

D. The dog's paws provide both traction and shock absorption and come in handy for digging and bullsh*tting during interviews.

E. Dog nails have a blood supply, but the end of the nails are dead tissue and can be clipped without pain, during the election in November.

Although adult dogs may be more difficult, especially if they hate being "vetted" or questioned in any way, Voters who are willing and able can, of course, make an informed choice, to to have to Fido's nails clipped. That is, of course, if all the barking, whining, and digging through piles of crap, doesn't distract them.


WOOF WOOF!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Email the Governator!


"I welcome ALL comments, concerns, ideas and questions."

Email The Goverhator PALIN.




I have some thoughts Sarah......

Monday, September 15, 2008

Twinkie, My Superhero, can save America!!!!

























Magic, Magic, Swirl Swirl....
"Fix the Economy, Hostess with the Mostest!!"


***************************************

Word of the Dazed

Leeroy
n.

1. One who does not grasp the concept of caution.
2. One whose success is based purely off relentless aggression and pure luck.
3. One who likes chicken and shooting wolf pups.
4. One whose battle cry consists of their own name.

v.
1, To rush headlong into danger without regard to consequences.
2. To satisfy one's own desires at the expense of all around oneself.

The Republican Party was really boring, until Sarah Palin pulled a Leeroy.




Cindy McPoodle

Just Say No to McNasty McCain!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Become your secret weapon to Control Costs!!

Crappy Mouthwash for Cheap Bastards....


























Crappy Gifts from Cheap Bastards..
.





















More Crap...

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Spike Lee is still upset that his Do The Right Thing movie wasn't even considered for an Oscar the year Driving Miss Daisy claimed Best Film.

He add's, "Nobody is watching motherf**king Driving Miss Daisy today. Do The Right Thing is being taught in classes at major universities and high schools all over the world. That's how you're supposed to test art. Does the work stand up?"








Nobody is watching motherf**king Driving Miss Daisy today!!




Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sarah Palin & her pups!

I want the Sarah Palin Action figure!
The one where she shoots wolves from an airplane!!!



OMG! that is so super fun!!
"Run, wolfie Run... *bang bang* -Oh, we got u!!"






"Under Palin, the state Board of Game authorized for the first time in 20 years the shooting of wolves by state wildlife officials from helicopters. The order resulted in the controversial shooting this summer of 14 one-month-old wolf pups taken from dens on a remote peninsula 800 miles southwest of Anchorage — an act that environmentalists claim was illegal."

















"I'll get you my pretty... and your little dog too!"




Luckily
I can get $150 bucks after I shoot a wolf!! Thanks Sarah!!


CUE SONG...

Cruella De Vil
Cruella De Vil
If she doesn't scare you
No evil thing will
To see her is to
Take a sudden chill
Cruella, Cruella De Vil

The curl of her lips
The ice in her stare
All innocent children
Had better beware
She's like a spider waiting
For the kill
Look out for Cruella De Vil

At first you think
Cruella is the devil
But after time has worn
Away the shock
You come to realize
You've seen her kind of eyes
Watching you from underneath
A rock!

This vampire bat
This inhuman beast
She ought to be locked up
And never released
The world was such
A wholesome place until
Cruella, Cruella De Vil



Sunday, September 7, 2008

WORDZ OF THE DAY


Po-dunk
Adj.
Of Hillbillies or Backwoods folk. crappy in a sense that it's utterly turdy in every way. Generally located in rural country towns;

{Po-dunktion Junction} A town that reflects the qualities of being Po-dunk.

"As a child, po-dunk vice-presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, would sometimes go moose hunting with her father before school."






fexpensive

(adj.) F*ckin expensive



A: Oh man, look Cindy McCain's outfit! Three-carat diamond earrings: $280,000


B: Wow, it does look fexpensive.







SAUSAGE WHACKING!

FRESNO, California (AP) -- Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.



















Attention Po Po:
Other known SAUSAGE WHACKERS
who have not been arrested, as of yet:




















Richard "Dick" Cheney

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Thursday, September 4, 2008

John McCain, age 72

REPUBLICAN OLD DOGS




Cindy McCain, age 80

HAMSTA'S
NATURAL PREDATOR


Re-pube-lican National Convention


My V.P. pick,
HASSELHOFF
discussing important politics

with CINDY McCAIN!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

From the makers of "Velcro Mullet"...

"SARAH PALIN" CUP



Description on packaging:
  • Camel Toe Annie says: If there is someone you want to get to know, show ‘em the Toe!!
  • Easily and securely attaches to the included “Toe-Belt”

Features:

  • Not tested on camels
  • Molded of durable Teflon
  • Camel Toe Annie approved
  • Each CTC is numbered and registered at our central office, in case you leave it after a night of whorin’ or it is found in a dumpster
  • Deep Groove™ channel accommodates all materials (denim, cotton, silk, burlap)
  • Dishwasher and microwave safe

Available in 3 gauges:
Call for sizing chart*
  • Mild
  • Medium
  • Cougar**

Testimonials:


The deep groove locks it in place, no more embarrassing shifting.”—Mary Clam, age 22

I wanted to impress this guy at the bar, so I opened a beer with my cup, we’ve been going out for three days, he drives a Camaro, I’m in heaven!”—Bobbi-Marie Mudflap, age 52

When I am not wearing it, I use as a recipe card holder, I am always finding new uses for it!”—Rhonda Sluichuck, age 45


G.O.P. = Grand Old Panties!


MY VICE-PRESIDENTIAL PICK!!
MY VICE-PRESIDENTIAL PICK!!!

Monday, September 1, 2008

MULLET MUSICALS

Starring.....



telegenic
eligible mullets!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Hamsta Crime Tales

"I'd like to makes some extra cash
making HAMSTER babies!!"



"HAMSTER Hatched"
(on special hamster hatching spoon, to prevent actual touching of hamster)


"HAMSTER
has been working out!"
(You GO Hamsta!)



"HAMSTER has attitude!"





"Oh No.
HAMSTA went BAD!"